I can absolutely say that this is the first time I have ever used an expletive in a title of one of my articles, but this is an incredibly important topic, and is one that should not be tip-toed around, so I am going to be unapologetically blunt, f-bombs included. To get started, some people need to wear a muzzle, and a tightly fitting one at that!
Over the course of my life, I have had the following remarks made about my body:
– You are too muscular!
– You are too thin!
– You are fat!
– You are too skinny!
– Oh my god, your lats are so big!
– Are your calves real? Yes, some random man in the supermarket checkout line actually said that to me…
– You are so tall. Do you think you could pick me up over your head? (I received this message from a random guy on my Facebook, and it was fucking weird. He kept badgering me to answer so I finally blocked him. I think he had a thing for tall women. Sorry dude, I’m 5″5)
– Is your ass real?
– You are so short!
– Be careful or you might make yourself look gay! (A so-called ”friend” actually said this to me when I was in my early 20’s. This was probably the most hurtful comment that someone made to me as not wanting to be stereotyped was something that I was really struggling with at the time.)
– Did you get a boob job?
– Be careful, you don’t want to get too muscular!
– You have curves in ALLLLL the right places. I can’t wait to see how lean you get come summer (from a creepy man at the gym who always leered at me and thought it was appropriate to make these comments. I nearly threw up). Small wonder I try to avoid commercial gyms as I seem to be a magnet for these types.
- You are looking huge (muscular)!
Body shaming is not ok
Ok, so you get my point. Back in the day, especially when I was struggling with my sexuality and embracing my authentic self, having comments made about my body used to negatively impact my overall mindset and confidence, and I struggled with some major body image issues. After the horrible tragedy in Orlando, I had a major ”fuck it” moment and made a vow to myself that I would be unapologetically authentic in 100% of my life, including all of my professional life and on social media, and for a number of reasons, so I wrote and shared a blog post called Owning It. As I discussed in great detail in this post, because I felt totally powerless over this key element of my life and part of my identity (even though I simply characterize myself as a normal human being and hate labels), I used my workouts and nutrition to feel some semblance of control in my life. As a result of this charade of control, I developed some extremely unhealthy habits that lasted for close to a decade. Whenever people made these extremely inappropriate, or sometimes just careless remarks, no matter what their intentions were, it absolutely reinforced the negative habits that I was practicing and horribly negative mindset that I had, and it led to a chain reaction of deprivation and extremes.
Words are extremely powerful weapons
I know that I am not alone. While men also have comments made about their bodies and are often pressured to look and act a certain way, it is so much worse for women and young girls. While men are encouraged to focus on their ability, and to make themselves more, women are constantly being told that they should make themselves less, look small, and be silent. This is not ok. Women are incessantly having their bodies judged or ridiculed if they do not meet the societal norm for what a woman should look like, or how she should act, and this has become the reality that many women face on a daily basis. I’m sorry, but this is unacceptable and needs to change. Women (and ALL people) should live their lives feeling confident, empowered, strong, happy, healthy, vibrant, and free, and should not so much as bat an eyelash at what the arm chair ”figure judges” have to say. Unfortunately, this is much easier said than done. I lived it for years, and was a physical and emotional shell of who I am now.
The Olympic Games have highlighted this sad and frustrating reality for women, as most sports do. American swimmer Katie Ledecky was told that she swims like a man, because heaven forbid, she is an absolute phenom and is dominating her events. For their entire careers, the Williams sisters have been told that they look like men. Another tennis player, Amelie Mauresmo, who happens to be openly gay, was called ”half man” by one of her opponents. Despite being the world’s best surfer twice, and being named Brazil’s best surfer 8 times, Brazilian surfer Silvana Lima was unable to get any sponsorship for a mind-boggling 13 years because she was told that she does not look like a model.
In so many instances in women’s sports, looks are being rewarded over talent, work ethic, and being a positive role model, and this is sending a devastatingly bad message to young girls. Women and girls are so much more than their bodies and what they look like. Society plays such a huge role in how women and girls are being treated, and society as a whole needs to take some serious steps in fixing this harmful world that women are living in. The good news is that many of these changes involve nothing more than keeping your thoughts and words to yourself, or better yet, being a supportive, caring, and judgment-free individual. Small changes can lead to huge gains.
Keep your opinions to yourself
It is important to talk about why many people feel the need to be arm-chair figure judges. In many instances, their intentions are not the least bit malicious, and they are totally oblivious to the harm that their comments might be causing. However, in other instances, when people judge, scorn, or ridicule other people for their body or appearance, it is because they are not happy with their own body, or parts of their life. No supremely confident or happy person critiques or bashes another person. I admit, back in the day, when I was not in the happiest place and was going through my own personal hell, I definitely made some comments that I am not remotely proud of. While I never made a direct comment to another person about their body, and my comments were relatively mild compared to many, I can definitely recall some instances when friends and I had these conversations. Thinking back to this makes me absolutely cringe.
Over the course of the years, as my confidence, self love and compassion have grown exponentially, and as my focus has shifted entirely away from aesthetics to performance and overall health, I no longer care what anybody thinks about my body. I love my body for what it is capable of doing, and I love how healthy my body feels. Dealing with an incredibly dysfunctional and injured body for over five years, and the accompanying physical, emotional, social, and financial stress, gave me the life altering jolt of perspective that I needed to reshape my overall mindset, and change my life for the better.
Words can be a very powerful weapon. This includes what you say to others, and also your own internal dialogue. I challenge you to take a deep look inside of your soul, and if you are in fact guilty of judging other people for their bodies, making comments to others, or to the person directly, ask yourself why, and take the necessary steps so you put an end to this extremely destructive habit. You are doing so much harm, even if it is unintentional, and you do not know whether or not an inadvertent comment of yours will catapult somebody down the road to disordered eating and exercise habits, depression or anxiety, or other harmful thoughts.
Thank you for reading my rant. This topic has been on my mind for a very long time, and the Olympic Games and all of the ridiculous media coverage inspired me to whip up this post in under an hour!
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